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| sample chapter 2 |
| She awoke from the dream with a start--
crying. It was the one Blue always had-- the dream about giving up
her son... She’s in a living room. The people who want to adopt
him are there too. She’s handing him over to them. They take
him from her arms. But instead of letting him go, she holds on tighter.
They pull him away. She pulls him back. Somehow he slips out
of everyone’s grasp and falls through a hole in the floor and disappears.
Her screams wake her up. Mussels pushed his cat-face against Blue’s cheekbone, purring loudly. This usually works, he thought. He notched up his purr-volume a decibel. She’ll stop crying and realize it’s just a big waste of time and feeding me isn’t. “Oh, Mussie, you big sweetheart. You know when I’m sad, don’t you. You always rub your big ole’ head against me when I’m upset.” He rubbed her face again and licked the salty wetness of a tear. “I was a terrible mother,” she told Muss. “I crammed cereal down that baby’s throat when he wouldn’t eat for me. I got mad when he was crying and needed his diaper changed... stuck him with a diaper pin.” She laid belly up on the bed, recriminations floating through her mind like filmy poltergeists. How could I do such unforgivable things...” she asked, guilt lodged in her throat like a stone. But Blue was a child, taking care of a child, with nobody there to help her. “Oh my baby, please forgive me,” she sobbed into her pink satin pillow. “Will you ever know me? Will you even want to know me?” Love Mae’s prophetic words interrupted her sobbing. “Finding your son will be the most important thing you’ll ever do...” Kneeling by the side of her bed like she’d done as a little girl, she prayed. “I don’t know if you exist, God,” she said, through her tears. “But if you do, please help me find my son...” Blue crawled back into bed. She seldom talked to God, so praying felt strange. My father always prayed out loud, she recalled. The worst times were when we’d be in a restaurant and everybody could hear him going on and on. Nothing was more embarrassing... As a child, her minister-father expected his daughter to be in church. Her mother would often wake up on Sunday morning with a migraine. In spite of the pain, she would put a smile on her face and drag Blue to church. “After all, we are the example,” she would say. Blue had always wondered if her mother ever resented traipsing to church with a splitting headache. She left her parents and their religion. I felt like church property as a kid, she reflected. I didn’t even own my own soul. Hypocrisy was everywhere, and I was the butt of it. I remember how Mrs. Krum used to talk about me behind my back, all the while being nice to my face. None of it made sense to me. The day I realized how sanctimonious and hypocritical “God’s people” could be, that’s when I decided I didn’t want any part of it, she remembered. I wanted my freedom-- ran right out of the frying pan and into the fire. Enter Theodore, she thought wryly. God, I was so crazy in love with him. What an arrogant ass he was! But his IQ was off the charts and that bedazzled me, she recalled. He was right down my alley-- handsome, charming, a poet, an agnostic and eventually the man responsible for my swollen belly. By this time, Blue had smoked half a pack of cigarettes. Reviewing her life required it. It quieted the pain. Blowing smoke into the stale bedroom air, Blue lifted her head off the pillow to gaze at the clock. “Hmm...this means I’m about an hour late for work,” she said, the hands of the clock pointing to eleven. The mattress made a creaking sound as she eased out of bed. Maybe today will be my last at that godforsaken hole. She punched in her time card an hour and a half late. “Hey Blue, the boss has been lookin’ for you,” Rita, one of the waitresses whispered. “And he’s pissed.” “I don’t give a damn. I’m sick of rude customers and skimpy tips,” she retorted. She pulled her hair back and tied on an apron. The next eight hours were excruciatingly slow. “Sir, would you care for some dessert?” she politely asked her last patron of the evening, a regular at the restaurant. “Sure, honey. What are my choices-- besides you?” Her customer, fat and balding, had been getting progressively drunk throughout the evening. His comment was Blue’s last straw. Irritation flew out of her mouth like a blunt-nose bullet. “You know, buddy,” she said. “I oughta’ pour this coffee all over your bald head, but I’d get in trouble for that. However, accidents do happen,” Blue threatened as she tipped the glass pot and spilled hot coffee all over the table. The brown liquid spread quickly and was heading toward the man’s lap. “Aw-- shit!” He jumped up to avoid the scalding libation. “You... you stupid broad! I ought’a have you arrested!” The man’s face was beet red. Blue ignored him. She walked toward the kitchen carrying her tray of dishes and the infamous coffeepot when her boss appeared out of nowhere. “What did you do out there?” he asked. “I just poured coffee all over your customer’s table-- and if I could’ve I would’ve poured it all over him!” Blue said without hesitation. “Why in the hell did you do that?” “Because I’m sick of customers who are drunk and insulting!” she shot back. “You’re supposed to take insults! You’re a waitress!” “Not anymore I’m not! I quit!” Blue was still holding the tray of dishes. “You can’t quit! I’m firing you!” her boss yelled. “As of this very second?” Blue asked. “Yes, this very second!” “Fine! Then you can take care of these!” Blue dropped the tray of dishes on the floor with a loud crash, barely missing his foot. Bits of broken plates skittered across the greasy floor and leftover food splattered everywhere. “Get out of my restaurant and don’t ever come back!” her boss yelled, the veins in his neck popping. “You’ve cost yourself some money tonight, young lady! Those broken plates will be comin’ out of your last paycheck!” Blue walked away as he was speaking to her. She opened her locker, tore off her apron and grabbed her coat. “You don’t have to worry about me ever showing up here again! I’ll never be back and I’m gonna tell everybody I know not to come here either!” she yelled as she headed for the employee’s exit. “Blue,” the cook said, pulling her aside. “It’s about time somebody told that bastard off! I’ve always wanted to, but I’m glad it was you because you read him the riot act, honey! Take care of yourself,” he told her. “We’ll miss you around here.” “Thanks, Woody. I’ll miss you guys too. Tell everybody good-bye for me,” she said as she pushed the heavy restaurant door open and walked to her car. Examining her reflection in the rear-view mirror, Blue felt larger than life. Smiling, she exclaimed, “I don’t have to take crap from him or anybody else! I’m through taking crap! For the first time in my life, I had the balls to stand up for me!” She drove Saffron home on wings. |
